April 3 at 11:24 a.m.

IUS Police responded to a request for medical assistance in Woodland Lodge. Officers transported the student to the Immediate Care Center on Charlestown Road.

April 4 at 3:42 p.m.

A smoke alarm went off in Woodland Lodge when a resident burned bacon.

Will someone give the dorm residents some cooking lessons before any more bacon gets hurt? For God’s sake.

April 5 at 2:57 p.m.

IUS Police received a call from a staff member reporting a suspicious bag found in the men’s restroom in Crestview Hall. The officer arrived and found a lunch box in the restroom.

Those damn terrorists just keep getting trickier.

April 6 at 3:27 a.m.

IUS Police performed a traffic stop on a blue Mercury Mountaineer that matched the description of a suspect accused of vandalism and theft from a local Walgreens.  The driver was not the suspect.  The officer also noted the flashlight in the IUS Police cruiser still doesn’t work.

April 6 at 8:14 p.m.

IUS Police responded to a reported theft of a ceramic art piece that had been left in the hallway of Knobview Hall.

If you need an ash tray that badly, steal one from Outback Steakhouse, not your classmate.

April 7 at 7:33 p.m.

IUS Police investigated a hit and run accident in the Evergreen East Parking Lot.  The woman pointed out to the officer that someone had accidentally hit her car door with another car door and left without leaving a note.

This is possibly the lamest hit-and-run report I have ever heard.

April 8 at 11:22 p.m.

IUS Police responded to a report of an alcohol violation in Meadow Lodge. Alcohol was found, and a report was made.

By SCOTT GILLESPIE

Editor

tsgilles@ius.edu