After overdosing on drugs at the age of 13 and being pronounced legally dead, Nicaya Reller, biochemistry junior, was revived and diagnosed with bipolar disorder after a lengthy hospital stay.

Reller said she feels she should not have been diagnosed at such a young age.

“The doctors were giving me medicines for being bipolar instead of me being diagnosed as a troubled teen,” Reller said. “They passed it off as being bipolar instead of looking at the other issues that were there.”

Rather than acknowledging other reasons for her troubled adolescence, Reller said she feels her mother, too, used the disorder as a scapegoat.

“My mother just looked past me having an alcoholic father instigating the issue by letting guys stay the night, buying me liquor and drugs,” Reller said. “I don’t think she thought it was as serious as it actually was.”

Reller said bipolar disorder is often misunderstood. Cycles of extreme highs and lows are symptoms of the disorder, and medicines are often required to stabilize the affected individual.

“When you say highs, you are literally high on life, and you are what they call ‘manic.’” Reller said. “You do a lot of risk-taking type of behavior, and you don’t think of the consequences.”

For Reller, her manic behavior often involved shopping impulsively.

“I would go spend hundreds of dollars,” she said. “You don’t consciously realize you are manic while it is happening. You just feel really high on life.”

Reller’s sister, Keshia Reller, said her sister would often shop during one of her manic episodes with no second thought of the money she was spending.

“If she wanted to go out, she’d go buy a new outfit but wouldn’t have money for anything else like her bills,” Keshia Reller said. “She just has a hard time distinguishing right from wrong or her priorities are out of order. She never thinks at the time, and then, later, it hits her.”

Nicaya Reller recalled one manic episode in which she and her sister, Keshia Reller, 21, decided to drive to Atlanta.

“We just up and left one Sunday with no plans, no money, no nothing,” Nicaya Reller said.

Keshia Reller recalled the day her sister presented her with the idea of going to Atlanta.

“She called into work and said our grandma died and told lie after lie,” Keshia Reller said. “When I tried to talk to her and get her to see reality, she wouldn’t listen, she was in her own little world.”

On the other side of the spectrum are the extreme lows associated with bipolar disorder, usually referred to as “crashing.” While Nicaya Reller said she mostly cycles on the manic side of the disorder, she has crashed several times.

“It’s pretty much just a depression, you just don’t want to live,” Nicaya Reller said. “I have said ‘I want to die.’”

While growing up in her teens, Nicaya Reller said she often refused to take medications and educate herself on the disorder.

“I was like ‘I am not going to take this medicine. I am not crazy. This is for those crazy people in those padded cells,’” Nicaya Reller said. “I was just ignorant and refused to sit down and learn about it.”

Nicaya Reller said when she did take her medications, it was often inconsistent. Which is very dangerous for someone with bipolar disorder and can lead to extreme cycles of highs, lows or both.

“The side effects were another reason I went on and off of them,” Nicaya Reller said. “I would stop taking the medicines and end up back at square one as far as getting stabilized.”

Nicaya Reller credits her 4-year-old son, O’Ryan and her mother Sandy’s unwavering support as being her saving grace.

“Having my son saved me,” Nicaya Reller said. “I have to be able to function so I can take care of my son, go to school, go to work — which is an accomplishment for any woman — let alone someone with bipolar disorder.”

Nowadays, Nicaya Reller said she is stabilized on daily medication and has educated herself about bipolar disorder.

“Things are so much easier now because I know about what it does, what it can do,” she said. “I can look back and reflect on the past and feel lucky that I was able to pull myself out of it.”

Despite having her disorder under control, Nicaya Reller said she struggles with the fact that she will have to be on medication for the rest of her life.

“That’s something that is hard to come to terms with, especially being diagnosed so early,” Nicaya Reller said. “I feel dependent on my pills.”

Nicaya Reller said every therapist she has spoken with has been very impressed with how she has coped with the disorder.

“They can’t believe how well I have done because bipolar patients usually end up in some kind of home or hospital setting or living with their parents for the rest of their life,”Nicaya Reller said.

Keshia Reller said she has seen her sister make excellent progress and drastic changes.

“I think she is doing wonderfully,” Keshia Reller said. “ I’m not going to say she will never have another manic cycle, but I don’t think it will ever be as severe as its been before because she wants to take her meds, whereas before she refused to.”

In the future, Nicaya Reller said she hopes to go to school to become a pharmacist.

“I was a psychology major and switched because I felt like having lived through everything I have, I knew enough about that field, and I wanted to go more into the treatment aspect,” she said.

As for others who may be struggling with bipolar disorder or suspect they are affected by it, Nicaya Reller urges others to be informed about the disorder.

“Don’t close your eyes, and pray it will go away, but deal with it,” Nicaya Reller said. “Find out if it is just temporary depression or something that may affect you for the rest of your life.”

By ANNIE MALKA

Staff

amalka@umail.iu.edu