Michelle Willingham, psychology freshman, endures cerebral palsy and fears her condition may limit her ability to carry out her dream of being a mother and having a family one day.
“My greatest fear in my life is to have a life with no noise,” Willingham said. “A life where I come home from my career and there are no kids, no significant other. That scares the hell out of me. That’s my greatest fear. I fear it every day. I just don’t want to end up alone.”
Willingham is adamant about setting the record straight when it comes to people with physical disabilities and their dreams for the future.
“Physically challenged people are people, too,” she said. “We want families, we want kids and we want significant others just like everyone else.”
Willingham said she feels like people need to be more mindful of individuals with physical disabilities and take care not to treat them like third-class citizens.
“I want to tell everyone that whenever you’re with any challenged individuals, don’t treat them like they are aliens from outer space,” she said. “We want to go on dates, too, we have dreams, too.”
Keisha Johnson, 31, longtime friend and aid of Willingham, said she feels inspired by Willingham’s attitude.
“She inspires me to go out and do things that I never thought possible,” Johnson said. “I look at her, and she is physically challenged, but she tries to go out and achieve everything she puts her mind to.”
Willingham said one of the hardest aspects of being physically challenged can sometimes be just getting up in the morning.
“I have what I call ‘I can’t do this day,’ but I have to keep pushing on,” she said. “I have to keep the promise that I made a long time ago to keep going on because if I become a mom one day — or if I become a psychologist one day — my kids have to know that you must have the resolve to keep going.”
Johnson said sometimes she has to remind Willingham that she has loving friends and a loving family.
“I let her know she needs to just keep her head up, and I let her know that I’m here for her no matter what,” Johnson said. “How does the person that inspires me to be better end up needing inspiration from me?”
Willingham said she feels like she will always be an outcast and doubts whether she will ever be accepted by society.
“It is never going to be where I am part of the in- crowd,” Willingham said. “It’s like I’m on the outside of a bay window looking in. It’s the most awful thing in the world. Am I ever going to get in? Am I ever going to be invited into the party? It’s just this overwhelming feeling of never being accepted.”
Willingham said she credits her stepfather, Kevin Dar-by, who passed away in March, with being someone who saw past her disability and truly gave her the acceptance every challenged person searches for.
She said her stepfather was always a champion for her, and it is hard living without him.
“My stepdad just accepted me, and he let me know that I could do anything,” she said. “I’m so very grateful that he thought that of me. The greatest gift I could give him now is to try to find acceptance in the world. It’s hard, and it’s an everyday struggle.”
Willingham said one of the reasons it is so hard to find acceptance in society is because she feels people are scared to engage with people who are physically challenged.
“They fear it will be too much work,” Willingham said. “They want to hang out with people that are normal just like them, walking on two feet. They are just scared. Yes, you might have to help out occasionally with a person that’s challenged, but, if you’re a real friend and a loyal person, you won’t mind.”
Willingham said on days when she is feeling discouraged or pessimistic about what lies in front of her, she refers to her mantra.
“The race isn’t won to the fastest,” she said. “It is won to the swift and the fearless, and I am an extremely fearless human being.”
By ANNIE MALKA
Staff
amalka@umail.iu.edu