Ground control to Google

IUS Horizon

I’m scared. I’m very scared.

I’ve been using Google Chrome for several weeks now at school, and I really like it.

And that makes me scared, because I think Google is going to take over my brain.

I love everything they do. Gmail is the single best free solution for email on the Internet. Chrome runs faster than any other Web browser, and it’s efficient. I’m an iPhone stalwart, but I think Android, Google’s mobile operating system, is the bee’s knees.

How many things will Google make awesome before they take over the world?

We have the Google browser and the Google phone. Web applications like Docs and Spreadsheets let people edit their own word processing documents and spreadsheets for free on the internet without having to pay for an application suite like Microsoft Office.

Google even paid for free Wi-Fi access across their entire home city of San Francisco. I wonder how much of that Wi-Fi access was to implant subliminal signals in San Fran’s loving populace’s cerebella. I’m willing to bet all of it.

If anyone else was doing it, people would be up in arms, yelling about monopolizing or taking too much of the free stuff, or something like that, but if Google does it? I love it. I love their simple red, yellow, green and blue logos, and their mellow periwinkle banners.

I love the nonintrusive ads that line the sides of every Web page, ads that have become so ubiquitous with the Web, I don’t even notice them anymore.

Think about it. What’s the default search in Firefox and Safari? Google search. Where do I go to find images of my favorite celebrities? Google Image Search. People can even use Google Checkout on many e-commerce Web sites now to manage your payment options and personal credentials, so all I need is my ever-present Google account to log in and purchase away!

How do I get directions? What is one of the most visited news Web sites on the net? For the love of all that is good and holy, who owns YouTube? Google, Google, Google.

The last time I counted, Google had more than 30 separate and different Web-based applications that let me manage and organize and waste my Internet life away. That’s not including their integration with various other Web sites and portals. Nearly every Web site’s built-in search feature is powered by Google’s application programming interface. IU Southeast’s Web site has a search powered by Google.

It’s a conspiracy. Google is going through IU Southeast to get to me. They own the very university I attend to learn.

Google’s going to track me down and put a chip in my brain, and then I’ll be theirs. I’ll be the first to fall. Soon after, everyone else will fall in line. Remember the zombie holocaust everyone has been predicting over the years? That’s it. We’ll all be Googbies, or Zomgles, or something like that.

But you know what? I’m going to keep using Google stuff, because it’s amazing, and I love it.

By IAN HOOPES
Editor
ihoopes@ius.edu