I first saw the doughnut in fall of 2008, with my first class of The Horizon. I had overheard the then current editors laughing about something outside the window, “still being there,” and my curious nature took over.
After I discovered it was the aforementioned doughnut, I couldn’t help but wonder what idiot decided they would waste such deliciousness.
Did they ever hear of the five-second rule?
Even if they hadn’t and it fell on the ground, why not just use a nearby trash can instead of wasting the time and energy to make the expert toss to the second floor ledge of Crestview?
Was it a freshman that grabbed a doughnut from a fraternity and decided he didn’t like doughnuts? Or a type of vegan that decided rebelling against the doughnut corporation on campus was a good idea? Maybe a disgruntled student that wanted to get at a professor and used doughnuts as his ammunition? How about a freshman that had surpassed his first 15 pounds and was ridding himself of temptation?
The only somewhat logical answer I have to this question is that it must have been someone who had a class in room 209 and wanted something unusual to look at.
I have asked around and still can’t figure out who the culprit was. I’m sure the person has either graduated or left IU Southeast by now.
The next pondering thought I have about this ring of gooeyness is who the maker of the doughnut is.
Could it be Krispy Kreme, Dunkin’ Donuts or some generic brand?
I mean, really, the doughnut has lasted for years and the only sign of decomposition, until the beginning of this semester, has been a ring of something on the concrete underneath it.
Whether it is the glaze wearing off, grease or moisture from the interior, I don’t know and really don’t care to find out.
While I’m positive it wasn’t edible after the first year – that’s just gross – I’d still like to know who offers the longest lasting doughnut.
This leads me to my next disturbing thought.
What on earth is in a doughnut that could make it last so incredibly long?
I know there are preservatives in just about anything these days, but seriously, nothing I set outside to face the elements will last more than five years.
Is it the sugar? Or is it possibly the glazed exterior that protects the yeast ring from harm?
I don’t know, but I’m waiting for it to start walking.
Now, it is something to think about why it has lasted that long without being destroyed by birds or the Physical Plant.
Crestview had roof work done to fix the leaking problem, and I would like to think that one of the cleaning crew who ventures into that room would have solved the problem, but the doughnut has never been reported or destroyed.
Birds seem to have never discovered this sugary treat. I know starlings eat just about anything, so it is slightly surprising that not even one winged creature has devoured it by now. Are doughnuts just that gross to birds?
I’m not complaining about its existence or the fact that it’s a refrigerator science project gone wrong.
No, this doughnut has been the entertainment before class, an expectation to look forward to each semester and when I zone out, it’s part of a philosophical thought process that I can never quite seem to make sense.
I don’t really care who the idiot was, why he decided to toss a doughnut at the window of room 209, what is in a doughnut to make it last half a decade or longer and I really don’t care that it hasn’t been destroyed yet.
I just want to thank whoever decided to toss that doughnut and let them know how it’s doing.
To that person, we in room 209 thank you for the entertainment throughout the last five years.
By GRACE STAMPER
Editor
gstamper@ius.edu
