If my aunt had balls, she would be my uncle. Well she doesn’t, and isn’t, and that would be only one of the things you would be wrong about.

There is some freak of a thing that used to be called Tracy Lagondin, but is now called Thomas Beatie. This former woman who wasn’t satisfied with just being gay had to take the extra step of making herself into a man. This it, of course, kept her reproductive organs intact because she still wanted to have kids.

This “it” made headlines earlier in the year as a “pregnant man” in many publications. If for any reason you think this sort of behavior is OK, you would be wrong. This child is going to grow up very normal I’m sure. And when that child goes absolutely insane when she grows up I will be there to tell you I told you so.

I know that being gay is not universally accepted, but it is not like we are lining up all the gay people in the world and burning them at the stake. If you want to be gay, be gay. But don’t transform yourself into some sort of unnatural it and get artificially inseminated and pretend like you are just another mainstream couple with a child, because you won’t be.

If you think that “same-sex marriages” are OK and deserve to be treated the same as your more traditional marriages, you would, of course, be wrong. Marriage is a union between man and woman, the two sexes required for reproduction. If you want the tax benefits or recognition of the state to get a spouse’s healthcare benefit bite the bullet and marry someone of the opposite sex and join the rest of us happily, totally content married people.

If you think that guns kill people, you would be wrong. Last time I checked, there were no robotic guns on street corners spraying random bullets around killing as many people as possible. People kill people. If a local thug can easily access a gun to rob or kill me, why can’t I go through the legal process of obtaining a gun to protect myself and my family from said thug.

Killing “Bambi” is just plain fun, protecting myself and my family is my constitutional right. As soon as you can show me the newscasts from around the country showing that murders were a thing of the past, I’ll just go on cleaning my guns. You can come over to my place anytime you want to argue the point.

If you think abortion is wrong, well, you can have any opinion you want, but if you actually verbalize an argument and you are not female you would be wrong. Men shouldn’t even be involved in the conversation, let alone be involved in making laws about it. If it were up to men to give birth to children civilization would have ended long ago.

If you think it is OK to stand outside an abortion clinic to try and stop women from entering you are wrong and stupid. You have no idea of the circumstances surrounding that woman’s decision to have or not have an abortion. Mind YOUR business. And your business doesn’t have anything to do with interjecting your objections on an issue onto other people.

If you are a member, or even just agree, with the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals or some sort of self-righteous vegetarian you are so wrong in so many ways. Animals taste good and they keep us warm in the winter. Rats are nasty creatures. Doing testing on them to possibly find cures for cancer is OK by me. Hell, even if they are just trying to come up with a new line of shampoo is fine by me.

Thanksgiving and Christmas would suck without a big fat turkey or nice juicy ham to eat. Being on top of the food chain has its advantages. Every living thing on this world is not a person. Let’s not treat dinner like it has some right to live. Until “Bambi” and every other animal picks up a gun and fights back or at least have some sort of intelligent conversation with me, I will continue to treat them as dinner.

If you do not believe in capital punishment you are wrong. Anyone caught molesting or abusing a child deserves and needs to be shot in the back of the head. I am not calling for the destruction of prisons and just killing everyone who commits a crime. But the most violent of criminals who stay on “death row” for years and years at taxpayer’s expense is ridiculous.

If you commit a crime violent enough to deserve a death sentence, you deserve to die, not to spend the rest of your natural life in prison. In the same regard, the argument that taking the life of someone who took a life is wrong or immoral is just stupid. Two wrongs don’t make it right doesn’t apply to someone that has killed a loved one of yours.

There are million other topics that you are wrong about that I don’t have the space to get into with you. If you even slightly think you are wrong about an issue, you are. And for those of you that are on the fence about whether you are right or wrong, email me your dilemma and I will set you straight.

By GREG DASSELL
Editor
gdassell@ius.edu